Friday Fictioneer 100 Word Story #14: Wedding Bells

Wedding Bells

Hey man, this chick is cool, I think I’m in love, you know? I mean, we have sex an evrythin, but this is differnt from, like, other girls… I feel like… happy after, like I don’t wanna have a spliff rightaway, you know, like I wanna get married or somethin… I even got a wedding ring at Costco… I know it sounds stupid — hey, don’t be laughin at me, dude, I’m serious — I mean I just got promoted at work so I ain’t on, whadatheycallit? — probationary status, yeah, an prettysoon I can do the drivethru window…

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29 comments

  1. well, it is hilarious, you dog you. Great bit of slice of somebody’s life. Really well written as if you were sitting next to this guy on the bus…
    X

  2. Oh, Carlos I like this voice. There’s something bizarrely sweet about this snippet. I’m not sure it starts in exactly the right place — maybe someone else needs to be present in the scene? But I think all of what you’ve done is fantastic and interesting and, like I said, sweet.

  3. Like I said, I wrote it on the fly, very quickly, so I guess it’s just a rush of dialogue, or monologue, spewing out. I wanted to experiment with replicating actual spoken language and, though I am usually caustic in my views, did not want to make the viewpoint too cruel.

  4. haha, I’m glad someone found some humour in these stones. So many of us seem to have gone for crime – the lure of the jewels, I suppose.

    I enjoyed the voice, and the humour.

  5. I thought the “tough-guy talk” was incredibly well done. I do feel sorry for the bride-to-be, however. Doesn’t sound like too much going in her favor——his, either, for that matter. Well done. A very believeable piece.

    • Thank you — no, not a lot going for them I guess, but he’s actually growing and is not much different from most people. I wasn’t thinking that when I wrote it, but when I read it after I realised that I had created an element of positive growth in the guy.

  6. Carlos, this is so good, so much character development, and it was really clever of you to use misspellings. This sounds authentic. You also manage to insert humor. It’s my favorite story this week!

    • Thank you – you’re too kind! I’m traveling now, in California, which had something to do with the story both in content (newly seeing the US) and form (written very quickly).

  7. Dear Carlos,

    (Neal Stephenson is the author in question)

    Loved your perfect slice of life. Costco wedding ring, Promotion from probationary status! All perfect, all true out there somewhere. i’d say this is a nice departure from your usual style but cannot. Your style is unique and you were true to it. This was just a different character well realized.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Thanks, Doug. I wanted this to be a departure, but of course, you can’t really get away from yourself. As I said to Bridges I’m in California for the first time in 5 years and it has its effect.
      I bought a Neal Stephenson book, but didn’t get very far in it; I wish I’d brought in this trip. Sometimes I have trouble with all the lingo – though I liked the earlier William Gibson books back in the day – and the bionic aspect to me is creepy (I’m one of those people who can’t stand my blood being drawn; would never have made it William Burroughs world).

  8. Oh Carlos: I can’t stop laughing. Perfect characterization, perfect slang. Walk through Times Square and you will bump into him immediately with his girlfriend (wearing a Snooki hairdo and a ring from Costco’s). They are swigging beers (concealed in brown paper bags). His jeans hanging down to his knees. Maybe some nose piercings as well. lol. This is such a fun story. Thank you for the chuckles.

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