Friday Fictioneer 100 Word Story #15: Semper Fidelis

Semper Fidelis

We had been here, together in training, in secret, for such a very long time, waiting for the day of attack. Hiding behind these walls in this this makeshift structure, studying their every move, analyzing the patterns of these creatures as they attend to their needs just as we do ours, until we knew them as well as we know ourselves. Amazingly, they never even suspected we were here. They are surprisingly oblivious.

Our Queen has been bounteous: we have amassed numbers so great we can no longer remain unseen, numbers sufficient for complete eradication and victory for our Colony.

 

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28 comments

  1. Dear Carlos,

    I loved your title and the story’s slow switch from leathernecks to insects. The similarities between our species and theirs is somewhat frightening. Lots of subtle layers in your piece. I’ll be visiting it again this weekend to see what new thoughts it engenders.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Yes, we are all one, for better or worse. Many people thought ants; I was thinking bees because of the wasp nest, but it doesn’t really matter. Your comment made me feel my story was better than I thought it was – thanks!

  2. I totally went with bees as I was reading. It’s funny but I had this twinge of sadness for them — feeling like this sense of power might be delusional and that their doom is imminent with something like the hornet’s nest spray. Anyway, it was a powerful feeling you evoked in me, so I wouldn’t worry that you are underperforming this week, Carlos. It’s good. It’s really good 🙂

  3. Why is it all these creatures hate humans and want to eradicate them? Is it because we’ve wiped out lots of species and it’s our turn? Your story has great anticipation. It allowed my imagination to run wild with what is about to happen. The title was a nice diversion which made me think it was all about soldiers, until you gradually shifted it to something else. Very skillfully written!
    Here’s mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

  4. I liked the Pogo quote and the title, both go together to lend the story it’s flavor. I loved the idea of the enemy being oblivious to the gathering horde making ready to annhiliate them…realistic.

  5. I like the way you have written this, leading us first one way and then revealing a different perspective to the initial inference. This could also work as a tale from the POV of the Giger/Scott aliens (at least in my mind). In the cellar, no one can hear you scream… 😉 Great stuff
    Apologies for the late read/comment, playing catch up 🙂

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