Friday Fictioneer 100 Word Story: Airship

Airship

Riding golden llamas in cold bright sun, we’d reached the highest ridge, where the air is thin. We looked up in the sky and saw a fearsome sight: through fine mist, a giant eye, strange symbols written on its skin. It was nothing we’d ever seen. We thought it God.

It was silent in the cold, not a sound floated down. It sat there so still, like a reptile waiting for a mouse. We wondered what to do, afraid to speak, afraid to move. We stayed like statues until darkness came. We are still here, frozen, but God has gone.

 

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61 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneer 100 Word Story: Airship

  1. Well done! Where are they, I wonder, that they have never seen a blimp??? Very interesting….

    Here’s my stab at it: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/06/07/friday-fictioneers-6812/

  2. erinleary says:

    I can see how that might be what the blimp is taken for if it had never been seen before.

    Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/06/07/flash-friday-fiction-4/

  3. Wow! That was so fantastic! So gorgeous and now I can only hate you for writing something so imaginative and beautiful at the same time. This is truly one of your best.
    And that is saying a lot.
    Lindaura in awe and jealousy
    But here is mine, that I thought lovely until I saw yours:
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

  4. rochellewisoff says:

    A little hint of The Gods Must be Crazy? Good story. Thanks for commenting on mine.

    • Phillip K Dick thought that God had gone mad and left the universe he created. Not on my mind as I wrote the story, but I read his books long ago and ideas like that stick in one’s mind. Ideas: he was full of them. Thanks for your comment.

  5. rochellewisoff says:

    Or is that…Might be Crazy…not sure…it was a movie reference. :/ sort of

    • I don’t think I ever saw The Gods Must Be Crazy; I wasn’t really thinking about that aspect of the story. “Inattention to detail” should be branded across my forehead; many of my childhood teachers would have held the branding iron.

  6. Sandra says:

    You’ve got to admit – if you’d never seen one you’d be totally shell-shocked at such a sight. Nice one Carlos, and I loved the idea of riding llamas in the cold bright sun. A simple phrase like that set the scene, the time, the culture perfectly. Well done.

    • Thanks, Sandra, I appreciate your comment. I was driving, trying to think of something to write – I’d already written something unpublishable – and found myself singing that first line like the beginning of a song.

  7. Awe-some. Carlos. That first line is great and so is the reptile comparison, and their fear, and just everything.

  8. ‘ a giant eye’ God’s probably. I love this story. Many thanks for your comments on my blog. Mine is here for others: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/fridayfictioneers-emily/

    • Thank you so much, Celestine — is that your name? If so, it’s a beautiful name. Also a lovely song by Norwegian pop singer Bellman. I liked your story very much, and now I understand the last line (sorry!), which makes it even better.

  9. Dear Carlos,

    ‘Airship’ was stellar storytelling. “We are still here, frozen, but God is gone.” I also thought the golden Llamas were unique and that they set the stage for your tale with just the right hint of mysticism. You transported me.

    Also, the juxtaposition of the transport modes of two cultures was brilliant.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    For fellow Llama riders, my link.
    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/joining-a-murmuration-or-bud-cowarts-view/

  10. Laura Hoopes says:

    Hi Carlos, I, too, thought of the Gods Must Be Crazy, but that didn’t take away the very effective combination of poetic vision and plot development in your piece. The power of the first sentence comes mostly from the “llamas in the cold bright sun” phrase. The idea of a cold bright sun really caught my imagination.
    cheers,
    Laura
    http://www.westcoastwriters.blogspot.com/2012/06/friday-fictioneers-above-clouds.html

  11. Fantazmo Caros! This was a very good one! Kudos!
    Sussin

  12. Carlos, This is my favorite of your posts. AMAZING–I love everything about your story but I especially like your description of the blimp by the naive observers. Fantastic!

    mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

  13. rgayer55 says:

    Dear Carlos,
    This is excellent. You led us up a steep ridge only to find we were under God’s watchful eye. Very clever and imaginative story.

    Thanks for the nice comments on mine. Here’s the link for others.
    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

  14. Scott Hays says:

    GOLDEN llamas in a cold sun [brilliant, that], and I too took a fancy to the reptile image. Ahh, the price we pay for our limited efforts to explain the world … we can, after all, only use the things we think we know to explain that which is new or unfathomable. I can think of some folks in this country who should be frozen in their tracks for the explanations they try to cram down our throats. Mine is not nearly as poetic, but you can check it out over at http://scottcheck.blogspot.com/2012/06/heist.html

    • Thanks, Scott. The story began with that line in my mind; I was singing in the car, trying to make up a song. I’m trying to learn to free my mind better for writing. Have you read Lindaura’s? I think it’s really good, speaking of free minds.

      • Scott Hays says:

        I DID read Linda’s … and like you, thought it was exceptionally good. It took me (per usual) some effort to figure out how to leave a comment (but I finally persevered) … including one entire loop where the comment page would start to load but then would switch to a blank page (without even any scroll bars), and then when I hit the “back” button, the comment page would start to load before turning back to the blank page. Sheesh! I happen to have bought a G5 Mac (desktop) in the early days of production, so mine lacks an Intel processor and is pretty much yet another dead end for me in the Mac World (remember when I bought an Apple GS instead of the first Mac … or got that Apple IIC before laptops started being made?)

      • Hey Scott,
        I bought an Apple IIGS – it cost a fortune back then and then no one made any music software for it. I love the computer I have now, a Macbook Pro 13″ with a 640 GB hard disk which is reasonably powerful and very portable. I have a 20″ monitor I connect to to give me two screens, which I need for my work.
        If you can figure out how, disable CAPTCHA, or whatever it is called, on your blogsite in order to bypass everyone having to guess the annoying word scramble thing. It’s something you get on Blogger but we don’t on WordPress.
        The weather here has been horrible, btw. Freezing cold and rain with biting wind, and here it is a week into June.

  15. So well expressed. I could almost see my own breath in the chill you wrote, which is saying something given I’m in Texas!

    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/on-the-bright-side/

    • Thanks, Kathy. It never gets cold in Texas? Sometimes I get a chill just from reading about Texas. But I had my best Mexican food there – several times. And met an old friend there, Cornell Hurd, who has a great roadhouse Texas Swing band.

  16. Very cool, Carlos. I like seeing how another society might react to the tech we consider everyday. Great ending, too.

  17. elmowrites says:

    Such a clear take on the religious nature of humanity. How many unknown things have we looked upon and seen God over the centuries. The tragedy of their frozen deaths picks out the dangers even more so, and your description is perfect. One of my favourites from you!
    Thanks for your comments on mine. For your fans, I’m over here:
    http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/friday-fiction-blimps-and-balloons/

  18. Brian Benoit says:

    So many great images I could point to, but I especially liked ‘cold bright sun’ and the comparison to a reptile waiting for a mouse (seemed the perfect analogy for the character to make). Really convincing expression of their amazement. Nice!

    Brian (Thanks for your comments. Here’s my link again for your readers: http://pinionpost.com/2012/06/08/11-2-seconds/)

  19. N Filbert says:

    very nice – put me into Ben Okri’s worlds! Thank you

  20. Kwadwo says:

    You had me with the first few words: “Riding golden llamas in cold bright sun…”
    Lovely expression. Very poetic.

    Mine’s here: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/08/radiant-flight/

  21. Thank you so much. It was a song I was making up while driving, that first sentence. I think I should try this more often!

  22. This reminded me of an old movie favorite, The Gods Must Be Crazy. Do you know it. The POV really makes this one unique. Love it. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story.

  23. rich says:

    god has gone. well done

  24. Lora Mitchell says:

    I thought perhaps they were in the deep, deep Amazon jungle or some lost tribal area in Africa…where they have reptiles and mice…but the llamas threw me off. Wonderful thought provoking take on the prompt. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

  25. raina says:

    this was very well done 🙂 liked it a lot

  26. Linda says:

    Did you ever see the film What the Bleep? If you did you will recall a scene where an south American Indian is unable to see the ships on the horizon because they have no concept of what they might be – this had a flavour of that to it, really nice 🙂

  27. Atiya says:

    I am totally jealous that you took this road in your story. I”m so make. I’m thinking why didn’t I think of that. Pure genius, loved it. Thank you for dropping by mine. here’s the link for other: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/06/friday-fictioneer-jump.html

    I’m so jealous…

  28. justlyd says:

    When I read this I pictured an ancient race being visited by travelers from the future who have somehow slipped through a tear within times or something, now I could see how it would work as maybe a group of people who were just unaware of the technology and thus viewing it as God. It’s very good either way, great take on the prompt.

  29. Carlos says:

    Thanks very much. Any interpretation will do; we each bring our own mindset to a story and it means something slightly different to each of us.

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